11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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