I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
