Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
