your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize