i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
