Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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