She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
