So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
