let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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