Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
