Can i not drive my cunt home
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
