I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
