So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
