he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
