He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
