i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
