mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
