No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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