The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize