to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
