I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
