"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
