that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
