yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize