ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
