he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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