oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
