This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
