This is not my ceiling
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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