This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
