Soap is not a condiment
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
