oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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