He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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