Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
