Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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