yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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