He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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