my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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