I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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