I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
