FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
