is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
