i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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