i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
