omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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