He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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