im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
