We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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