Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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