I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize