Just fell off a train. Bad.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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