that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
