I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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