where am i from again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
