I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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