I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
