she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
