i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
