the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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