woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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