Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
