nut hugger
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is Oprah even human
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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