it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So squirting runs in the family.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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