is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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