I can tuck mytits in my pants
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
