Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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