Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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