I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
