I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
