yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
