I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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